I love shows like Hoarders! I like to see progress and Hoarders usually supplies that, after a grueling episode featuring a filthy, cluttered home, lots of counsel and cleanup for the inhabitant. The entire chaotic situation wraps up neatly in a couple of hours.
I try to watch an episode at the gym, it gives me a sense of satisfaction that 52 sit-ups just cannot provide.
Hoarding is fairly common.
My gym friend, Linda, begged me not to indulge in Hoarders yesterday. “I just can’t bear to watch it! It hits too close to home.”
Linda’s father had recently been ill, and she had made the trip to her parents’ home in Michigan. There she had spent days climbing over stuff that her mother had been storing for decades. Linda had to straddle piles of items to get into bed, and the bathroom in the master bedroom was unusable, had been in that condition for several years. A broken faucet ran a stream of rusty water, the toilet was out of commission, the shower packed full of boxes containing — something.
Kitchen counters were awash with dishes and papers.
Linda had tried to change a few things; she had suggested throwing out a five-foot high pile of phone books next to the couch.
“I’ll need to go through those first,” replied her mother.
Why would anyone need to ‘go through’ them’?
Don’t ask.
Linda reported that home life had been fairly well-organized when she was a child, but living conditions had seriously deteriorated later. Her mother had been very enthused about purchasing another home, and very disappointed when that deal fell through. It seems no attempt to buy another home had been made, but her mother had begun to purchase items for another home anyway, filling her present living quarters with those.
“I’m storing these for when we sell the house and move,” Linda’s mother says.
This situation sounds like delusional thinking, or perhaps the saving nature of an impoverished person.
According to Linda, neither of those is true.
My neighbor says she has no family, all are deceased, one a particularly traumatic death with brain cancer. She is a compulsive buyer, and she admits that; saying she has nobody and buying items fills the gap. Her one-bedroom apartment is stacked with goods from QVC.
Brian says his mother was depressed over childhood events for years and began packing the house and garage full of ‘keepsakes’ after his father died. He has helped clean up the garage several times, but it doesn’t take long for it to fill up again. His mother seldom leaves the home, seemingly content there amidst the clutter. Her depression has increased as people avoid the home.
Loneliness can lead to the tendency to collect items to fill the empty void in a person’s life. Anxiety and indecision are common for those who exhibit hoarding behaviors.
It’s tempting to write off this kind of mess as simple laziness, but that is not so. Every one of my friend’s stories has a component of disappointment, a need to fill a gap.
Hoarding Disorder
Hoarding disorder is a real and overwhelming psychological condition where someone cannot discard or part with their items without feeling extremely distressed. Regardless of an item’s value they feel a need to save things.
Psychologists at one time considered hoarding a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD, but in many cases of hoarding, OCD was not noted. Eventually, hoarding became a stand-alone diagnosis.
If only that made the situation of hoarding easier to deal with!
Not so. Hoarding is often accompanied by other mental health conditions, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Years of living in chaos changes the brain. In fact, there is a genetic component to hoarding, and hoarders will sometimes have relatives who live similarly.
There have been substantial discoveries to confirm that compulsive hoarding is largely influenced by family, with both genetic and environmental factors at work.
Hoarding behaviors, then, can be a combination of traumatic events, mental illness and heredity.
Any of these diagnoses can result in attachment to items or the inability to organize and discard items and clean the home.
HOW SHOULD I ADDRESS A HOARDING PROBLEM?
The first step is to get the hoarder the psychological or medical treatment they need. This step is incredibly hard to take, as the person will resist. The phone book example is accurate. “I will need to go through those.”
How much ‘stuff’ will need to be examined before counseling occurs and the house is emptied?
Severe anxiety is real, and the hoarder is often using piles of items to stave off anxiety and feel safe. When the items are removed without counseling, the hoarder may be extremely distressed, and, like Brian’s mother, begin accumulating replacements immediately. The hoarder may fear leaving home for psychological or individual help, yet counseling is essential to success.
The first step on the road to recovery for a hoarder is to get the individual the psychological help they need; this can range from therapeutic treatment, psychological treatment (ex: psychotherapy), and or medical treatment. If the root psychological cause (or causes) of the hoarding is not addressed, then the hoarding may reoccur. Even if the clutter is gone it can still return if the psychological issues are left unaddressed. It is also important to note that the support of loved ones is usually extremely helpful to the recovery of a hoarder.
It is necessary to remember that self-motivation is a key aspect to success rates. Like certain forms of addiction, The person hoarding needs to see the benefit of change.
If well-intentioned family members or friends forcefully clean out a house or throw out valued possessions without the person’s permission, these actions almost always backfire. Trust can be lost and hoarding behavior will continue. Respect the person and show a sympathetic attitude with concern for safety and well-being.
The solution here sounds so simple, and the Hoarders TV show wraps it all up neatly, but progress can be very slow and difficult.
WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?
Be a friend. Be consistent, be truly interested in the person without the need to change things. People who hoard often feel very isolated and alone. Things, rather than people have become friends. It’s important to feel loved and valued as a person. When that happens, changes can occur.
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