I thought I had good reason to be stressed!
A series of tumbler events had succeeded in pretty much tumbling my life upside down.
I had recently left home, I ran away
I ran away from the off-grid home I had worked for and loved for years. Core Hollow was my land, my identity, you could say. I put everything I had into Core Hollow, but everything went wrong.
One cracking cold night I stuffed my clothes into my old Honda, grabbed my violin and laid it on top of the pile. Then I hid the guns; slid them behind the rocking chair and shoved them under the bed. Not very clever hiding places, but all things considered, I hadn’t much time to think about it.
I wanted to see life backwards then, because if you could see life backwards, like through the rear-view mirror of a car, then you probably wouldn’t be so inclined to mess it up.
But I, I just edged to the door, stumbled down the icy steps and raced to my car. It turned over twice and I floored it, fishtailing up the drive, creaking over packed snow, never slowing down, and drove through the red garden gates at Core Hollow one more time, one last time.
I guess I never told you—about that.
I Was Losing My Mind From Stress!
Naturally, it felt awful, and I just wanted to ‘get over it’ as soon as possible, to free myself, to think positively about my life again. I wanted to move on, right now!
As for moving on, I did have a place to live, my son had graciously offered me a place to stay.
I was couch-surfing at 52 years old!
It was a good thing I had a couch to surf, and not the sidewalk. At the same time that this traumatic event was swirling around my head, and IN my head, I pretty much couldn’t think at all! By the time I hit the door, I had only a part-time job, and $500 to my name. Fifty-two is not a good age to start over and make good, trust me on that one.
But remember, Grandma Moses made good in her eighties. So, there was hope, however faint.
Forgetfulness and stress
There is a very real component about stress that literally causes a person to quit thinking. The culprit is the stress hormone, cortisol. Constant floods of cortisol can shrink, stop and even kill the growth of new neurons in the part of the brain called the hippocampus.
Stress can shrink your brain
As if that’s not enough, constant stress can even shrink the medial prefrontal cortex. For those of you who don’t know where that is located, and didn’t really CARE until you began reading this, I COULD paste a boring brain diagram in here…
Okay, I’m scaring myself! Wasn’t the stress of the situation enough, without worrying about my brain shrinking, too? Come on!
Your gut calls the shots
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Trust your gut.” Well, science is finally catching up with what our grandmothers always knew: your gut and your brain are in constant, heavy-duty communication via the vagus nerve. When you’re stressed out, your gut microbiome shifts, sending panic signals straight back up to your central nervous system.
So the next time you feel like you’re losing your mind, remember to give yourself some grace. Step away from the screen, take a deep breath, and let your nervous system reset. Your mind in survival mode does not remember unimportant details. That doesn’t mean it will stay that way forever.
My book includes my off-grid life, my losses, and what I gained.
Core Hollow, In dreams I return to that place alone, where the wild ones still laugh, and run down the moon.
Keep the faith. I survived. You will, too.
Аут!.